I don’t know exactly why I feel like making this post. Feel free to ignore me.
I was in grade 8, you were in grade 10. I really never expected us to become friends, but we did. You were always so happy and positive and it was infectious. I can’t remember one time that I didn’t see you without a smile on your face and it scared me to know that you weren’t okay. When you stated dating her I will admit, I was jealous. You were cute, and such a great guy and it was hard not to fall for you. But we talked often and had a great friendship. I knew about the bullying you had gone though since grade 1. I knew the names they called and the cruel things they did. Most of all, I remember the day you made the torment stop. I remember the day you took your life.
Things had gone sour with you and your girlfriend and she ended things. I remember you telling me about the fights and arguments you had with her in the weeks following the breakup.You texted me asking for help, but I was too pissed off to reply. It wasn’t long until I had close to 20 texts and 5 calls from you. I was getting annoyed. Not long after your texts stopped I received a text from our mutual friend telling me to talk to you. So finally I did. No reply came. I became frantic and called everyone I knew trying to figure out what happened to you. Then your brother called. He told me he found you. You were hanging from the tree in your backyard, lifeless and cold. I remember crying and screaming. I begged for you to still be alive. I convinced myself that it was just a sick joke you pulled to get back at your ex. But it wasn’t. You were gone; you’re still gone and even though years have passed, I still miss you.
I couldn’t save you and I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry I never told you I loved you. I’m sorry I couldn’t stop your pain.
This is for anyone who knows someone that is at risk or if you’re the one hurting. Get help for them or yourself. Life is valuable. You matter and you are so important. Suicide is not the right option because all that’s left is a lifetime of what if’s. What if I replied? Could I have stopped him? What if things went differently? You have so much more in store than the pain you’ve encountered. Please don’t kill yourself. You deserve more than that so live life and keep fighting, because the end will be worth it.
